April 21, 2025

BREAKING NEWS: Dick Bulger Wins Boston Marathon’s “Obsolete White Republican Men” Division After Mistaking Route for Sandwich Line Boston, MA — In what can only be described as an act of divine indigestion and confusion, Dick Bulger, a notorious CB radio degenerate from East Boston, has shockingly crossed the finish line of the 2025 Boston…

My beloved flock of moderately sober souls, today we gather not just for communion, nor just for Bingo Night Eve, but for divine intervention in the Vatican’s recruitment policy. Yes, I speak of the sacred and heavily stained path toward the elevation of “Dick” Bulger of Boston—a man whose robe smells like malt liquor and…